This last week has been full of ups and downs! The week started in the pits, but with amazing support from my husband and some amazing friends, it was bearable! Im not entirely sure how I made it through work on Monday, since the next day Noah and I were making a three hour journey to Paola/Osawatomie, Kansas. A dear friend of mine passed away and I felt that I needed to be up there to say see ya later. I only knew from previous meetings ONE other person up there. BUT Noah and I were blessed to be welcomed into the home of my friends "brother"and his family! They were amazing! We stayed up most of that night into the wee hours of the next morning talking about our friend and cheering each other up. It was wonderfully encouraging! Somehow it ended up with "genitals, genitals, genetalia" and "charlie, lets go to candy mountain, charlie." Ive never cried at a funeral as much as did this one, (1 Ive only been to 2 others and (2 this one hit a lot closer to home! I truly wish I could of talked to him before all of this, but it is what it is. One of the things that truly touched my heart while I was up there, was that nobody knew me from anyone, but when I was introduced to the family they replied " Shauna, from Wichita?" My heart glowed so brightly that my friend held me so dear! I was lucky enough that his mom had found some letters that I had wrote him back in 2004.
On the way home, this experience led me to reach out to another friend who is in similar situations. I called him, and it was a teary conversation. I basically told him that I wanted to know that I would meet him again once our time on this earth is finished. This last week has made me realize how precious relationships are no matter how minute they are. I want to make sure that the people around me know that I love them!
On another note, the rest of the week I was on vacation. I loved every moment of it! I got to spend some time with some great friends who needed face time! I got to semi reconnect with my sister, and enjoy an amazing blueberry breakfast with an equally amazing person! Noah on the other hand went out and got our dinner! That was quite a treat! Noah was so proud of his pheasant dinner! I was so blessed to have so much time with my little boy. He amazes me everyday! He is so full of wonder and intrigue. There were so many other things that happened over the week but thats just it, there was so much to write it all down!
Monday, March 29, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
See you later, friend...
I woke up yesterday feeling a little better than I did the day before. I was crampy and just feeling like crap. I was excited because it was another day and I got to spend a little bit of alone time with my baby. Dad was off with a friend looking at games. That's when I got the news.
Facebook can be an amazing thing. It gets information to people very quickly and enables others to connect with friends. It can also inform you of when a good friend dies. I logged onto facebook and noticed that I had a new friend request. I checked it and it was some guy I had never met, nor did I know why he wanted to be my friend. I looked at his page and realized that he was the roommate of a really good friend of mine. I accepted. I read his status and it said something about visitation times for his brother (my friend). I didnt understand what this meant and tried to find out what was going on. I thought maybe he had been hurt or something because he was still updating his profile. His friend IM's me and says that I need to call him right away because what he has to tell me is not something that needs to be said over the computer.
I still did not know what to think. He answered the phone and commenced to tell me that my really good friend had hung himself. I told him that this is a really sick joke. He's not dead...he keeps updating his facebook. Those updates are updating themselves. My friend that I just talked to a couple of weeks ago is no longer with us, I cant ever speak to him again. I wont be recieving any more emails or letters or phone calls from him telling me of his recent adventures.
MY HEART SUNK!!! I cried hysterically!
Ive only attended 2 other funerals in my 22 years of life. One was of a wonderful old man of my church who I was close to. That was soemthing very hard to deal with. The other was a classmate who was younger than me and was battling for her life, my sister was more emotional about that one.
For me this was a person who I was fairly close with. No, I didnt see him on a regular basis, he lived in Osawatomie and I live in Wichita. Thats a 3 hour difference. We talked fairly regularly. He was there if I needed him and I was there for him. We met in 2004 at Super Summer (church summer camp). We got paired up on the same team and from that moment on we were unseperable. I had a boyfriend at the time, and my friends were all paranoid. What is the deal with a guy and girl being just friends?? I would find out many years later that he had a SUPER crush on me. He was always my friend. I never really looked at him more than that, just someone that I could always turn to if I needed to talk to someone. He just got back from traveling the Untied States and his Spirit Quest. We were planning on him coming to visit my family and to tell us his stories. I was looking forward to this summer greatly!
He has been dealing with depression for sometime now. I never thought it was as extreme as this but I knew he was lonely and thought alot of things were his fault but I NEVER thought he would do anything like this. He is the guy who would try and keep me in line if my faith was faltering. Hes the one who told me I need to watch my mouth if I said something not so nice. I really hope that I reached out to him enough in his last days. I hope I meet him again once my time on this earth is over. I want to see my friend again and I want to hear about his travels.
Tomorrow I travel to Paola, Kansas to say see you later. I will finally meet his family and tell them how much he meant to me, and how lucky they were to have him as a son, brother, dad. Im excited to meet his group and help them through this rough time as they are me. SO! for all of you out there whether you believein God or not, could you please say a prayer for him and his family or just send some good juju that way.
I love you my friend and I will miss you greatly! You will always be in my heart and I will think of you fondly and often! Save a seat next to you for when I come home!
Facebook can be an amazing thing. It gets information to people very quickly and enables others to connect with friends. It can also inform you of when a good friend dies. I logged onto facebook and noticed that I had a new friend request. I checked it and it was some guy I had never met, nor did I know why he wanted to be my friend. I looked at his page and realized that he was the roommate of a really good friend of mine. I accepted. I read his status and it said something about visitation times for his brother (my friend). I didnt understand what this meant and tried to find out what was going on. I thought maybe he had been hurt or something because he was still updating his profile. His friend IM's me and says that I need to call him right away because what he has to tell me is not something that needs to be said over the computer.
I still did not know what to think. He answered the phone and commenced to tell me that my really good friend had hung himself. I told him that this is a really sick joke. He's not dead...he keeps updating his facebook. Those updates are updating themselves. My friend that I just talked to a couple of weeks ago is no longer with us, I cant ever speak to him again. I wont be recieving any more emails or letters or phone calls from him telling me of his recent adventures.
MY HEART SUNK!!! I cried hysterically!
Ive only attended 2 other funerals in my 22 years of life. One was of a wonderful old man of my church who I was close to. That was soemthing very hard to deal with. The other was a classmate who was younger than me and was battling for her life, my sister was more emotional about that one.
For me this was a person who I was fairly close with. No, I didnt see him on a regular basis, he lived in Osawatomie and I live in Wichita. Thats a 3 hour difference. We talked fairly regularly. He was there if I needed him and I was there for him. We met in 2004 at Super Summer (church summer camp). We got paired up on the same team and from that moment on we were unseperable. I had a boyfriend at the time, and my friends were all paranoid. What is the deal with a guy and girl being just friends?? I would find out many years later that he had a SUPER crush on me. He was always my friend. I never really looked at him more than that, just someone that I could always turn to if I needed to talk to someone. He just got back from traveling the Untied States and his Spirit Quest. We were planning on him coming to visit my family and to tell us his stories. I was looking forward to this summer greatly!
He has been dealing with depression for sometime now. I never thought it was as extreme as this but I knew he was lonely and thought alot of things were his fault but I NEVER thought he would do anything like this. He is the guy who would try and keep me in line if my faith was faltering. Hes the one who told me I need to watch my mouth if I said something not so nice. I really hope that I reached out to him enough in his last days. I hope I meet him again once my time on this earth is over. I want to see my friend again and I want to hear about his travels.
Tomorrow I travel to Paola, Kansas to say see you later. I will finally meet his family and tell them how much he meant to me, and how lucky they were to have him as a son, brother, dad. Im excited to meet his group and help them through this rough time as they are me. SO! for all of you out there whether you believein God or not, could you please say a prayer for him and his family or just send some good juju that way.
I love you my friend and I will miss you greatly! You will always be in my heart and I will think of you fondly and often! Save a seat next to you for when I come home!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Roeder v. Tiller
I have not been following ANYTHING when it comes to Roeder and the Tiller situation. Im so sick and tired of hearing either man's name. I feel bad that a family regardless of who they are is having to suffer the loss of a loved one however horrible said person was. I dont think it was right of Roeder to take it upon himself and take the life of Tiller. I think it should of been left the courts on how to handle Tiller. I belive that it was a matter of time until Tiller was through.
If you couldn't tell, I did not like George Tiller; also that I am Pro-Life. I think that he was a horrible man. I think it is VERY wrong for someone to terminate a life regardless if that mother wanted it or not. There are couples out there who CANNOT have children on their own and depend on adoption. People always talk about how inhumane this or that is, but when it comes to a HUMAN life they think nothing of it. That fetus is alive at the time of conception, and for you kill it right then or in the third trimester like Tiller did, what makes him so different than Roeder. Im not saying that Roeder was right in what he did, I think murder is wrong no matter who does it. But being a mother and having gone through pregnancy I CANNOT imagine someone taking that life away from me. I didnt enjoy being sick all the time but not once did I think that I would just give in and destroy that life. I LOVED feeling my baby kick and move. I felt so much compassion and love for someone that I had never met.
My condolences go out to the Tiller Family for their loss of a father, husband, and grandfather, but that is as far as it goes. I feel better that his women's clinic is shut down for good!
If you couldn't tell, I did not like George Tiller; also that I am Pro-Life. I think that he was a horrible man. I think it is VERY wrong for someone to terminate a life regardless if that mother wanted it or not. There are couples out there who CANNOT have children on their own and depend on adoption. People always talk about how inhumane this or that is, but when it comes to a HUMAN life they think nothing of it. That fetus is alive at the time of conception, and for you kill it right then or in the third trimester like Tiller did, what makes him so different than Roeder. Im not saying that Roeder was right in what he did, I think murder is wrong no matter who does it. But being a mother and having gone through pregnancy I CANNOT imagine someone taking that life away from me. I didnt enjoy being sick all the time but not once did I think that I would just give in and destroy that life. I LOVED feeling my baby kick and move. I felt so much compassion and love for someone that I had never met.
My condolences go out to the Tiller Family for their loss of a father, husband, and grandfather, but that is as far as it goes. I feel better that his women's clinic is shut down for good!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Do whatever your heart desires...
I work at Kansas Gas Service and make decent money. I am providing insurance amongst other benefits for my family. Noah runs his own karate school with his dad...Im sure you've seen the tweets about the school. ANYWAYS...Noah wants to be a youth pastor more than anything...He feels that he is called by God to do so. I truly believe he is because everything else that he was "passionate" about always fell through. He wanted to be a firefighter, firefighting is not what it used to be. He wanted to be a police officer, they didnt see his potential, that or he wasnt in a skirt. Whichever the case, thir loss! I love my husband more than anything. He is the most ambitious person I have ever met in my life, and I love it because it makes me want to so much more with my life. He wants to completely enrich his life.
He feels horrible about not providing for his family. This is where I interject. "You are providing!" Noah takes care of our one year old son, Oliver. Any of you out there with children know that taking care of children is a full time job! Noah just recently worked at Target making minimum wage. It bothered him. He is now enrolled at Tabor college and is going through an accelerated bachelors program. It takes a lot of concentration and focus. With him working and then trying to go to school one night a week, run the karate school, and take care of Oliver, I was worried that his schoolwork would fall by the wayside. After 3 months of employement Target terminated him because his job was "seasonal". He was torn up over it because he actually enjoyed it! I told him it was God's way of telling him that he needed to start getting focused on the semster ahead. He needed one less thing to have to worry about.
Noah had heis first class last week and LOVED it!!!! I dont think I could put enough exclamation marks to express how much he LOVED it!!! This is what he is most passionate about, and ANYONE could see it on his face. He could go on for days about it. Trust me, you arent married to him =). Regardless, you would think his parents supported him in his decisions. However, every chance they get they are continually putting it down, saying its not worth his time and that he couldnt support his family with that. Im sorry money is not important. Of course, I would love to have more money to pay off our bills completely but, it wouldnt be what God wanted for us. Noah's mom of all people I would EXPECT to feed him with approving remarks. On a continuous basis she tells us that we need to have better Christian attitudes or whatever, and yet she judges what her son wants to do and its something that he is very passionate about!
I think Im the most frustrated about it today because she decided to call me first thing this morning and trying to convince me that I needed to talk to Noah and basically talk some sense into him. She didnt have much to say after I told her that I dont agree with her. I support Noah in what he is wanting to do. I support him in WHATEVER his heart desires. I love him enough to let him persue his dream.
Dont get me wrong, his parents love him DEARLY! and would do anything to help him out! However, they do tend to tell him that he NEEDS to be doing this instead of that. He is a grown man will make his own decisions with his WIFE! I feel better now. I just really want to live our lives our way and not theirs. They will of course ALWAYS have advice, but we should have the coice to take it or not and not be punished for it.
God Bless!!
Shauna
He feels horrible about not providing for his family. This is where I interject. "You are providing!" Noah takes care of our one year old son, Oliver. Any of you out there with children know that taking care of children is a full time job! Noah just recently worked at Target making minimum wage. It bothered him. He is now enrolled at Tabor college and is going through an accelerated bachelors program. It takes a lot of concentration and focus. With him working and then trying to go to school one night a week, run the karate school, and take care of Oliver, I was worried that his schoolwork would fall by the wayside. After 3 months of employement Target terminated him because his job was "seasonal". He was torn up over it because he actually enjoyed it! I told him it was God's way of telling him that he needed to start getting focused on the semster ahead. He needed one less thing to have to worry about.
Noah had heis first class last week and LOVED it!!!! I dont think I could put enough exclamation marks to express how much he LOVED it!!! This is what he is most passionate about, and ANYONE could see it on his face. He could go on for days about it. Trust me, you arent married to him =). Regardless, you would think his parents supported him in his decisions. However, every chance they get they are continually putting it down, saying its not worth his time and that he couldnt support his family with that. Im sorry money is not important. Of course, I would love to have more money to pay off our bills completely but, it wouldnt be what God wanted for us. Noah's mom of all people I would EXPECT to feed him with approving remarks. On a continuous basis she tells us that we need to have better Christian attitudes or whatever, and yet she judges what her son wants to do and its something that he is very passionate about!
I think Im the most frustrated about it today because she decided to call me first thing this morning and trying to convince me that I needed to talk to Noah and basically talk some sense into him. She didnt have much to say after I told her that I dont agree with her. I support Noah in what he is wanting to do. I support him in WHATEVER his heart desires. I love him enough to let him persue his dream.
Dont get me wrong, his parents love him DEARLY! and would do anything to help him out! However, they do tend to tell him that he NEEDS to be doing this instead of that. He is a grown man will make his own decisions with his WIFE! I feel better now. I just really want to live our lives our way and not theirs. They will of course ALWAYS have advice, but we should have the coice to take it or not and not be punished for it.
God Bless!!
Shauna
Thursday, January 14, 2010
It's been a wild and crazy year!
I cannot believe that tomorrow last year is the day that we wnet into the hospital to be induced. Its mind boggling to think that my tiny little baby has grown so much over the last year. He has grown from this not so tiny infant into a semi-independent 1 year old! Im reminded everyday how lucky Noah and I are to have such a special little guy in our lives.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Unwelcome Birthday Wishes
I had such a wonderful birthday the other day[11/9]! Other than the weather it was great! Noah surprised me by having our friends meet us for dinner at Texas Roadhouse and it was a blast. I m so glad to have these new people in our lives. I talked to dad and Judy (step mom) Monday night. My dad is amazing. Weve had our differences but these last few years things have really changed. Our relationship has strengthened. There was a time when I HATED my dad, did not want anything to do with him at all. I had my mom and thats all I needed.
Last night[11/10] my mom called me. In eleven years Ive only seen her once and talked to her twice. The first was when my middle sister ran away and we thought she had her. She said she didnt and it was a lie. The last time was when my great grandma (her grandma) was in the hospital. I couldnt really avoid her then. But after eleven years she tried to pick up right where we left off. Im 22 years old. I knew her when I was 10 years old. She is a perfect stranger. Never once in eleven years has she called to wish me a Happy Birthday or ANYTHING! All of a sudden, she calls? I really think she called so that she could "try" to patch up things between us, so that MAYBE she would be able to see her grandson.
My parents divorced in 1998. It was the best thing that could have EVER happened. My mom was/is a cheat. She taught us girls to lie. She thought of only herself, and so many other things. I finally realized that my dad wasnt the bad guy. He was actually the one who took care of us. He was an alcoholic but us girls ALWAYS came first! NO MATTER WHAT!!! I put up with enough of my moms Bs in ten years to last me a lifetime.
Last night[11/10] my mom called me. In eleven years Ive only seen her once and talked to her twice. The first was when my middle sister ran away and we thought she had her. She said she didnt and it was a lie. The last time was when my great grandma (her grandma) was in the hospital. I couldnt really avoid her then. But after eleven years she tried to pick up right where we left off. Im 22 years old. I knew her when I was 10 years old. She is a perfect stranger. Never once in eleven years has she called to wish me a Happy Birthday or ANYTHING! All of a sudden, she calls? I really think she called so that she could "try" to patch up things between us, so that MAYBE she would be able to see her grandson.
My parents divorced in 1998. It was the best thing that could have EVER happened. My mom was/is a cheat. She taught us girls to lie. She thought of only herself, and so many other things. I finally realized that my dad wasnt the bad guy. He was actually the one who took care of us. He was an alcoholic but us girls ALWAYS came first! NO MATTER WHAT!!! I put up with enough of my moms Bs in ten years to last me a lifetime.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Judgment House 2009
Judgment House ended last Sunday and I kind of miss it but then again Ive enjoyed being able to stay home and not have to be anywhere! Although, come next year Im sure Noah and I both will be the first ones to sign up to be apart of an amazing ministry!
Ive walked through Judgment House numerous times and was always touched by it in one way or another. I got to watch one of my really good friends at the time be saved. It changes when YOU are on the other side of the fence in Hell. It was incredible to watch the faces of the people walking through. There were MANY people who seriously, no joke, would literally laugh in my face. On the flip side, I got to see MANY people cower, cover their faces, scream, and jump. I got see the repercussions of all the other scenes. I got to see how suicide affects many people.
It affected me and I was a demon in the scene. Its unbelieveable to feel the power of God working in a world where it is quite apparent that Satan is at work in a strong way. It made me very happy to see so many young kids give up their nights to such a great cause. I am so blessed to have met and be able to call them friends!
There was a time when I was beyond fired up for God and Church. I was a youth leader for my youth group. If something was coming up I knew about it. Around my senior year I started falling away, and it wasnt until I moved out on my own when I fell under the wagon and let everything tear me down and enjoy the ways of the world. Im not proud of it and its taken me a long time to even start going to church regularly again. Noah has had a big part of that in my life. Its bothered me that I couldnt sit there and have a conversation about God and Religion...its getting better, but its not where it needs to be yet. I feel that Ive found my place. I feel like Ive come full circle. That does not mean Im perfect, by no means am I...ask ANYONE!!! But I feel that Im on the rise from a once very dark part of my life. It took two weeks of being in hell to realize that I have it pretty good compared to some.
***I feel so blessed to have been apart of something so amazing. In a matter of 10 days! there were over 1500 savlations. Thats not even including rededications.
Ive walked through Judgment House numerous times and was always touched by it in one way or another. I got to watch one of my really good friends at the time be saved. It changes when YOU are on the other side of the fence in Hell. It was incredible to watch the faces of the people walking through. There were MANY people who seriously, no joke, would literally laugh in my face. On the flip side, I got to see MANY people cower, cover their faces, scream, and jump. I got see the repercussions of all the other scenes. I got to see how suicide affects many people.
It affected me and I was a demon in the scene. Its unbelieveable to feel the power of God working in a world where it is quite apparent that Satan is at work in a strong way. It made me very happy to see so many young kids give up their nights to such a great cause. I am so blessed to have met and be able to call them friends!
There was a time when I was beyond fired up for God and Church. I was a youth leader for my youth group. If something was coming up I knew about it. Around my senior year I started falling away, and it wasnt until I moved out on my own when I fell under the wagon and let everything tear me down and enjoy the ways of the world. Im not proud of it and its taken me a long time to even start going to church regularly again. Noah has had a big part of that in my life. Its bothered me that I couldnt sit there and have a conversation about God and Religion...its getting better, but its not where it needs to be yet. I feel that Ive found my place. I feel like Ive come full circle. That does not mean Im perfect, by no means am I...ask ANYONE!!! But I feel that Im on the rise from a once very dark part of my life. It took two weeks of being in hell to realize that I have it pretty good compared to some.
***I feel so blessed to have been apart of something so amazing. In a matter of 10 days! there were over 1500 savlations. Thats not even including rededications.
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