Monday, March 29, 2010

A very busy week...

This last week has been full of ups and downs! The week started in the pits, but with amazing support from my husband and some amazing friends, it was bearable! Im not entirely sure how I made it through work on Monday, since the next day Noah and I were making a three hour journey to Paola/Osawatomie, Kansas. A dear friend of mine passed away and I felt that I needed to be up there to say see ya later. I only knew from previous meetings ONE other person up there. BUT Noah and I were blessed to be welcomed into the home of my friends "brother"and his family! They were amazing! We stayed up most of that night into the wee hours of the next morning talking about our friend and cheering each other up. It was wonderfully encouraging! Somehow it ended up with "genitals, genitals, genetalia" and "charlie, lets go to candy mountain, charlie." Ive never cried at a funeral as much as did this one, (1 Ive only been to 2 others and (2 this one hit a lot closer to home! I truly wish I could of talked to him before all of this, but it is what it is. One of the things that truly touched my heart while I was up there, was that nobody knew me from anyone, but when I was introduced to the family they replied " Shauna, from Wichita?" My heart glowed so brightly that my friend held me so dear! I was lucky enough that his mom had found some letters that I had wrote him back in 2004.
On the way home, this experience led me to reach out to another friend who is in similar situations. I called him, and it was a teary conversation. I basically told him that I wanted to know that I would meet him again once our time on this earth is finished. This last week has made me realize how precious relationships are no matter how minute they are. I want to make sure that the people around me know that I love them!

On another note, the rest of the week I was on vacation. I loved every moment of it! I got to spend some time with some great friends who needed face time! I got to semi reconnect with my sister, and enjoy an amazing blueberry breakfast with an equally amazing person! Noah on the other hand went out and got our dinner! That was quite a treat! Noah was so proud of his pheasant dinner! I was so blessed to have so much time with my little boy. He amazes me everyday! He is so full of wonder and intrigue. There were so many other things that happened over the week but thats just it, there was so much to write it all down!

Monday, March 22, 2010

See you later, friend...

I woke up yesterday feeling a little better than I did the day before. I was crampy and just feeling like crap. I was excited because it was another day and I got to spend a little bit of alone time with my baby. Dad was off with a friend looking at games. That's when I got the news.

Facebook can be an amazing thing. It gets information to people very quickly and enables others to connect with friends. It can also inform you of when a good friend dies. I logged onto facebook and noticed that I had a new friend request. I checked it and it was some guy I had never met, nor did I know why he wanted to be my friend. I looked at his page and realized that he was the roommate of a really good friend of mine. I accepted. I read his status and it said something about visitation times for his brother (my friend). I didnt understand what this meant and tried to find out what was going on. I thought maybe he had been hurt or something because he was still updating his profile. His friend IM's me and says that I need to call him right away because what he has to tell me is not something that needs to be said over the computer.
I still did not know what to think. He answered the phone and commenced to tell me that my really good friend had hung himself. I told him that this is a really sick joke. He's not dead...he keeps updating his facebook. Those updates are updating themselves. My friend that I just talked to a couple of weeks ago is no longer with us, I cant ever speak to him again. I wont be recieving any more emails or letters or phone calls from him telling me of his recent adventures.
MY HEART SUNK!!! I cried hysterically!
Ive only attended 2 other funerals in my 22 years of life. One was of a wonderful old man of my church who I was close to. That was soemthing very hard to deal with. The other was a classmate who was younger than me and was battling for her life, my sister was more emotional about that one.
For me this was a person who I was fairly close with. No, I didnt see him on a regular basis, he lived in Osawatomie and I live in Wichita. Thats a 3 hour difference. We talked fairly regularly. He was there if I needed him and I was there for him. We met in 2004 at Super Summer (church summer camp). We got paired up on the same team and from that moment on we were unseperable. I had a boyfriend at the time, and my friends were all paranoid. What is the deal with a guy and girl being just friends?? I would find out many years later that he had a SUPER crush on me. He was always my friend. I never really looked at him more than that, just someone that I could always turn to if I needed to talk to someone. He just got back from traveling the Untied States and his Spirit Quest. We were planning on him coming to visit my family and to tell us his stories. I was looking forward to this summer greatly!

He has been dealing with depression for sometime now. I never thought it was as extreme as this but I knew he was lonely and thought alot of things were his fault but I NEVER thought he would do anything like this. He is the guy who would try and keep me in line if my faith was faltering. Hes the one who told me I need to watch my mouth if I said something not so nice. I really hope that I reached out to him enough in his last days. I hope I meet him again once my time on this earth is over. I want to see my friend again and I want to hear about his travels.

Tomorrow I travel to Paola, Kansas to say see you later. I will finally meet his family and tell them how much he meant to me, and how lucky they were to have him as a son, brother, dad. Im excited to meet his group and help them through this rough time as they are me. SO! for all of you out there whether you believein God or not, could you please say a prayer for him and his family or just send some good juju that way.

I love you my friend and I will miss you greatly! You will always be in my heart and I will think of you fondly and often! Save a seat next to you for when I come home!